This is an always that I really didn’t recognize until the new year, but right now I am in a state of in-between. Professional and student, 20s and 30s, provincial Southern girl and adventurous woman of the world, middle class and…the place I am destined for. I could go on but the case for liminality is mounting, I am not here nor there but somewhere else entirely.
Same as before, I remain ever so watchful over my life at present. Not quite in the heavens not quite on the earth. I had a moment of sitting watching myself at dinner last night with my mother and aunt. I became aware of our country accents, our penchant for talking to strangers, and being a little too honest. I even noticed as certain emotions arose, and in an almost meditative state I nodded my head to them in acknowledgement to bring them into existence and by doing so they popped like bubbles; colors soap and childlike wishes lost to air and space and time.
I can smell the change in the air before it even arrives, the winds are turning. Crisp and sweet the breeze tastes like golden delicious and pumpkin spice, I have my wings up like sails ready to be blown in the direction fate would take me. Often I am asked if I will stay in California and I say no with no inkling of an idea where the next place shall be. I have never been in a place I did not want to leave, except Jamaica. And then, I left just to be able to experience the bliss of returning.
It has just come to me that I am drawn to characters who drift. Mary Poppins, Holly Golightly, Carrie Bradshaw…and perhaps the latter most “stable” in terms of her movement all three seemed to float in and out of situations, love, and experiences. Their willingness to live…
Life is short, far too short to spend it in one place or the other. Always packing or unpacking…but then there is something so completely lovely about having a home which holds the intimate treasures representative of a life well-lived. I think….I think its best that as I may drift, and as right now I take no residence in anywhere in particular that I keep that home in my heart and my heart planted firmly in the in between.