Faded Pictures

imageI’ve always had pictures in my mind of how it would be. The house. The husband. The children. Down to the detail.

Yet,

More recently I have been okay with things not looking like the picture. I hold them both side by side, 29 at 19 and 29 at 29 and I play the game. Find the 10 things that aren’t the same. And silently I resign to be joyous despite it all.

But,

I want to let them go. Wash the photographs in water so the pictures fade away. I want to forget the things I imagined and accept every now as a sweet and unexpected surprise.

I feel like letting go.

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5 thoughts on “Faded Pictures

  1. I still struggle with this and yet… Every now and then, I can imagine my younger self meeting someone just like me… and being so impressed and hopeful at someone on her own, living in a beautiful place she’s always wanted to live, surrounded by incredible people doing incredible things, and pursuing the things and life and draw her to them.

    1. It is a wonderful (and eerie) thing to look back at 5, 3, or even 1 year ago and realize you are living the dreams of that time. Sometimes almost exactly, and sometimes it looks way different but we are always exactly where we are supposed to be.

  2. This is a powerful post for me. It wasn’t until 30 that I realized that ‘my ideal self’ was not going to make me happy. It is uncomfortable for me to stay in one spot for long. I now focus on strengthening my current relationships and enjoying ‘those special moments’. I no longer lock myself up in the ‘I wish’ syndrome. My latest mantra is ‘Just Be’. This tells me that when I just relax and enjoy my here and now, life becomes more enjoyable. I think that when we step back and let the divine led us then we are never disappointed. In my opinion, ‘my true self’ trumps ‘my ideal self’ every day. The load on my back melts and I am freer to celebrate and experience my here and now. Thanks for sharing this with us.

    1. I have been increasingly more nostalic lately. I think because I am nearing the time where I had it “all figured out”. I have never known what life after 30 would really mean, only ideas. As I finish this chapter, the Student chapter, I realize my map looks really empty. And that is both terrifying and exciting.

      1. When I reached thirty I was terrified, but also glad that I made it through my twenties. People often tell me that I am still young so I have time to enjoy freedom. Perhaps the challenge for you is to explore and not make definitive plans. If you asked me a year ago where would I be— it doesn’t look like I’ve imagined. It’s better. The fears that I entertained in my 20s no longer have me bound. I’m proud of you and how fair you have come.

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