It is really really crazy how in the matter of 24 hours your life can make 180° change. Yesterday I felt like I was on the brink of tears all day long I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was wrong and it felt like everything was wrong so I did my art projects from the Brené Brown class and I painted last night and I wrote last night and I went to bed and made the decision that today is going to be a better day.
When I woke up this morning I was on fire! I literally felt like the sun with in my stomach and I know how that must sound, but that’s what it felt like. I was on fire in the best possible way. So then I went about my morning routine got dressed and I got to school and as I was walking across campus for a meeting I had just was playing Florence and the machine shake it out and I felt as though I could just dance. I literally felt like dancing. I wanted to move I close my eyes and I wish that I could dance and I realize now that I could’ve danced and I was way too worried about what people would think. What people say. One day I’ll be brave enough to dance anyway.
So I talked to the producers from the OWN network and they wanted me to talk to Brené Brown about the gifts of an imperfection course next week on line. The producer basically said that she really liked my feedback and I’ve been offering and she really liked the questions that I was asking and she would love it if I were able to come on the show and speak with Brené personally. And I realize that this is the second time this year that I’ve been offered such an a amazing opportunity the first being in August when I actually got to go to the show taping.
The next fairly unbelievable thing that happened to me today was that I was contacted by an editor at inside higher Ed about the teaser that I had written. Last week I was asked to do kind of a draft teaser blog post on a topic that I’d previously mentioned being interested in contributing: being a woman of color and academia. Something that has really been at the forefront of my mind lately and after the conference where I really really felt the blackness and the academic ness and the woman ness really collide I feel like it’s something that is really arriving in me right now. Even though the editor told me previously that they weren’t looking to hire any new writers somehow that changed after the draft.
The most amazing thing that I can take from this entire day is that the power of prayer and the power of intention and an attitude of grace and appreciation will get you through even the darkest of days even the darkest of times. I know that my faith is all that I have right now I can’t see the road before me, really. All I know and all that I’m working towards is graduation and everything after that is a question mark. I don’t know where I’m going to work. I don’t know what I’m going to be doing…I just know that I’m going to follow my heart. I am going to go where I’m called. I am going to serve I am going to continue to be a vessel in this life. And I would like to think it is that this attitude is what carries me. It is my demeanor is my joy. It is my ability to smile and know that even my tears aren’t going to last always. It is my resilience, it is my belief in something bigger and greater and more omnipotent than myself being in control of my life.
I had someone ask me what my secret is. What I’m doing or what I’m saying and all I can say and all I can think is that I’m believing I’m grateful always always grateful and I’m always believing. I try to be more brave than afraid. I challenge myself to do things that probably seem crazy. I ask myself really hard questions all time. But most of all I’ve I just try not to give myself a limit. I really really really try hard to believe in a limitlessness of myself that is what I tell people and that is why I try to live. I tried to live beyond the stretch of my body. I try to breathe with the entirety of the universe. And I know that everything is conspiring for my success and I figure if everything working for me, then nothing is working against me.
Hasn’t failed me yet.