Honestly.

Is there a thing as being too honest? I believe I’ve come to a point where its become increasingly more difficult to hold things in. I’m not impulsive…I am a slow thinker and sort things out internally. But once I come to a conclusion its a hard fact. And I act on it with ferocity. I guess to some it may seem impulsive, but for me its a very slow simmer.

I’ve second guessed myself a lot. Thinking about what I should say or do, how, and when. How if I say what’s really on my mind some people might be hurt or angry or worse.

But there are things bursting to come out of me…

I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.
I need to limit the time we spend together for the sake of our relationship.
I’m sorry I lost it.
I feel guilty every time I think about you.
I’ll always love you, too.
I’m afraid of becoming like you.
I still don’t trust myself with you.
Am I alone in this?
You’ve hurt me in every imaginable way…and I forgive you.
Why can’t we try?

But I hold it in. I see the ripples my honesty might create and I, instead, opt to let the storm rage inside rather than out. What is that doing to me…what is that doing to us?

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One thought on “Honestly.

  1. I am the same way. I admire people who are able to be clear and direct and honest but in a loving way. My attempts to be honest are often either overly sugar coated so the point is missed or so abrasive and explosive from being built up that the point is missed. And then sometimes I overthink it and talk myself out of saying anything at all. “…I see the ripples my honesty might create and I, instead, opt to let the storm rage inside rather than out.” and I find that this is detrimental to my relationships. Very much so.

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