Last night I read the following in my numerology: Your desire to achieve some great ambition is enormous. However, a lack of confidence in your own ability to realize this dream may cause you much frustration. You sense the enormous potential you possess, which requires equally enormous confidence in your ability to materialize your dream. Confidence is the key that unlocks your potential. On a strictly physical level, you must protect your nervous system, which is inordinately vulnerable to stress because of your acute sensitivity. Depression is often the result of long periods of stress that have gone unrelieved. Seek out peaceful and harmonious environments, relaxing music, and follow a healthful diet in order to restore balance and peace.
Balance. And more importantly, confidence. I felt a little shaken when my aunt made a comment about me putting “too much” out there especially on the Internet. I had a lot of reactions to the comment, but primarily I inquired, “do I?” My Self answered “No.” And assured me that there is plenty that remains private and sacred. Though by and large I choose to live a very transparent life. I make my mistakes, flaws, blunders, and faux pas public. I invite conversation around them. I publicize my imperfections and use it to build community and relationships with people. It wasn’t my original intention for this space but it is certainly what it has evolved to. Ultimately what I had to remind myself was that everybody doesn’t need to understand. Everyone doesn’t need an explanation. Everybody doesn’t have your vision.
I am clear about my purpose in this life. It does not mean I am exempt from the typical societal norms and expectations, I hear it from friends family and I even do it to myself. “what are you gonna do after graduating?” God forbid me not have an answer to that question. It gives people unrest. It sometimes gives me unrest. But what if I were able to hold it? What if I could hold my comfort with the unknown along with their (and my) discomfort of the same? I recognize that there is a reason humans are not God and we exist in this form. Our inherent flawed nature makes us curious and seek tangible ways of knowing. We live in this body and we seek understanding through that medium. Maybe the best I can do in this life is to strike a balance between knowledge and faith honoring both my spiritual and material natures?
So, here is the point of the story when the hero shakes off her past failures and starts working harder than ever fueled by the potential she’s bound to realize. She unapologetically and relentlessly pursues her passions trusting herself and the web of universal knowledge. She keeps around her those who hold her, push her, pull her, and those who seek to stop her are cut lose. She’s done waiting for superman, she has her own cape. This is when the hero saves herself.
And next the world.