A conversation I’ll remember perhaps For the rest of this life, is one I had with my former boss at my old counseling center. She said, “You know, Jessica, on my 27th birthday I woke up and I just didn’t give a shit about other people’s opinions. And every birthday after I’ve cared even less.” I’m trying to remember if my mind added the swear words, or if she actually said it but it’s my story and I’m going to say she totally said it just as I recalled.
While it wasn’t advice, it was an affirmation that growing older meant growing inward. No longer needing the support of the physical world around you as much as you did before, but somehow finding everything you need to sustain your joy and your peace right there on the inside. I remember it often and as I’ve gotten older, found it to be particularly true. I’ve noticed that my natural inclinations have changed from consulting a friend to consulting myself. Does it feel right? What is your body saying about it? What is God saying about it? It’s easy to know the answer to both if you get quiet and listen.
I told my mom about am opportunity I’m pursuing. An opportunity that would take me further away, out of the country and half a day away to be exact. And while I am unsure how my mom feels about my frequent need to fly, she said to me, “if that’s what you want then I hope you get it.” It’s always been her response. Maybe that’s why I picked her as my mom thirty years ago in heaven.
I had a conversation with a colleague as she struggles now between her work, her passion and her family. The choice never felt like a choice before. I watched her as I listened and I could see it in her, wings so desperate to spread. I recognized it in her because it’s what I always do, too. I try to justify staying with logic and reason when everything in me says go. I try to be patient and make sure my going isn’t running away from something that will meet me at my next destination with open arms. So I go in peace. And if it were one thing I could tell her that I did not tell her then, it’s that. Be at peace. Life is far too short not to. To everything there is a season and a purpose and maybe the seasons are changing, then too such must your purpose. So, find your peace wherever it lies and if that means leaving, leave. But at all costs, let it be well with your soul.
EmJ sent me a video clip of Oprah talking about the law of attraction. Something I have believed in absolutely for many years. I’ve gotten many remarks about how miraculously things work for me and my only secret is: I listen and then I pull. When considering what it is I want to request of the universe I am prepared for God to tell me, “No, you don’t need that.” With some things the words, “Not yet,” ring out. And with the rest, I get ready to work. I focus my attention on it. I think of it whenever i remember to. I write it down so I see it often. I tell people about it. I visualize myself in the place of having received it. I live as though it’s already mine. And I wait expectantly for it to arrive.
Oprah spoke of her experience with the book The Color Purple. It was the same experience I had with Eat Pray Love. Only I was not meant to be in the movie I was meant to write my own story in the way Liz wrote hers. I’ve known that for many years now. And while I’ve been hesitant to pull that to me, I’ve started. I can openly admit now that I want it. I cannot even entertain ideas that it’s impossible, improbable, far fetched, or wonder about how. How is none of my concern. I do the work and the universe will conspire on my behalf because we are all needed to be successful. It works to the benefit of the entirety of everything if we are. The world desperately needs you to believe you can do the thing you dream of doing.
Samantha Jones has been somewhat of a heroine of mine lately, because of the unapologetic and intentional way she lives her life. She is sure of who she is, even if that isn’t really who she is yet, and she makes things happen for herself. She is a firm believer in her own fabulousness. I am a firm believer in my fabulousness. I quite literally think I am an amazing person and find nothing wrong with saying that out loud to anyone. It is not boasting it is truth. And I think more people ought to be able to say it too. Without ridicule without judgment. Without worrying, well if I shout I’m fabulous,what if someone shouts I’m not. Fuck them. That’s not about you. Hold your head up high and know you are absolutely DIVINE and you don’t owe an explanation to anyone for following your heart and your truth. For your own sake, at all times, be your fabulous self and let it be well with your soul.