Bobby: Bali journal #2

I listened as he answered my question intently. “I don’t want to come home and turn all the lights on all by myself.” I inhaled sharply because I’d said something similar not long ago. Someone to go on any adventure with me. Someone to enjoy life’s journey with. I’d never really heard it mirrored back to me. Minutes earlier I told him of his immense potential. And here he was reminding me of my own. He was the heart I had recently shoved to the back of the closet to be thought of again in another season.

A bonfire on the beach with laughter food and the hickory smoke that always waters my smile. I should have been elated. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the stars. His mind had gone from the place and mine was as well. I noticed him and took my own seat in my own corner. Then I cried. I cried and thought of that conversation. “You make me want to grow up.” I’d told him. So easily the words slipped off his tongue. While I choked them down like venom. It seemed silly, I now thought, to be afraid of anything that would bring you joy.

I told myself I did not ever want to let anyone or anything cripple the acknowledgement of my hearts desires. And then through my tears I told him and God my silent solicitation answering the question I’d asked earlier. I want love. I want to taste life with them exploring all the imaginable flavors. I want to pour into someone and have them pour into me. I want to roll over and be sure of someone. Smiling when a thought of them crosses my mind. I want a partner. A companion. A family. It was a start. I felt healed in a way the fountains couldn’t do. Maybe only the sea can do that.

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