I thought that things like this get better with time…
Have you ever had a truth so painful that it burns your insides? Harboring it was toxic and heavy but you couldn’t bring yourself to release it. So you simply hurt.
I wanted to tell him but I knew if I did it would change his life. Or, at least that is my expectation. What if it didn’t? What if he allowed the truth to course from my tongue to his ears and right out of him into ash on the floor? Then, I suppose, he wouldn’t be the man I thought he was.
And how would I feel either way? Relieved? Unburdened? Free? I think it’s not the sort of truth that gives you wings. Not when it’s so tethered to your heart. Carrying the knowing within your body for so long from the very first moments…it’s not easily forgotten.
So I’ll live in a little bit of pain. Until I figure out how to release it.