In Factuation

Sometimes it is heavy to feel so many people at once. I have gotten better about not holding on to other people’s energy. But sometimes, when it’s someone close to me…

I always wish that my experience of the hurt could be enough. If I could just house the pain for them they could heal without the hurt. A human pill to dull the symptoms. I had no way of expressing that. Not simply, so I just cried the tears I knew were not mine. Kneaded the tension in my body and eventually asked if there was anything I could do.

If you felt what I felt you would say I Love You more often. You would grow more appreciative of small acts of kindness. You would breathe deeper into moments. You would cry more often and you wouldn’t care because it cleanses you.

I wanted to say more. But instead I opted for silence and simply being there. And I knew that was the right thing to do for the time being. That I could not house the pain. That I could not be the tourniquet and that the wound would remain open. But maybe my hand helped. I have to believe that it helped. Without invading the energy to know, I believed it in me first.

It was then that I realized where I was. Inhaled sharply and it felt like ice on my lungs. I looked around and found that I was there alone. For now, I told myself. For now.

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