He was a pool of possibility I wanted desperately to dive into. I didn’t know why, but I wanted to know everything about him. His dreams his fears his favorite memory. In the end I wanted to be the best decision he ever made. I couldn’t shake him. My mind chased him. My heart held tight wanting to surrender herself, hands open whispering “Take me” to an empty room.
He wanted me too. I felt or maybe imagined. It’s hard to know which side of the mirror I’m on anymore. Give in to me and let me love you. I’d be so good at it. I was tap dancing for hours before I realized my legs had begun to ache. Enough. Read the signs, listen to the warnings: No Trespassing. A wall around him had been build years ago and persisted with no signs of wear.
If he doesn’t feel it too then why does he call? Write? Look at me in that way. Smile at me for no reason. Affect me so very deeply. I’ve asked God and all of heaven, why…no answer still.
It scared me that I knew I could love him. It terrified me that perhaps I already had begun to; This beautiful stranger. Still so much a mystery. Still water glistening begging me to jump in. But could it hold me if I did? Would it?
My heart has never steered me wrong before. I will not betray it now. I will know the day he decides to choose me. Because he will send me flowers. His gentle acquiesce. A gesture that only we can measure the depth of. In that moment he will have caught me. And in him I’d float for as long as the current carried me.