Stupid Girl

“Stupid girl…” I called myself as I breathed through a morning anxiety attack where I found myself missing you. “Do you miss me too?” The stupid girl in me asks that more often than I would like to admit. But do you? 

I would like to think that because of all the hurt and all the brokenness I would never go down that road again. But if you wanted me to? I would. Stupid girl. 

I thought about the scar on your arm. How you got it at that concert we went to in the park from a girl you were trying to help. You were pissed as she scratched you off of her. I laughed and hugged you trying to bring your mood back to the light. Somehow the scar from a stranger outlasted us. It’s so silly to be jealous of that. Stupid girl. 

I miss you and me. Chicken club toasters or stuffed clams with wedge salads that I hated. Your horrible love of top 40 and refusal to like R&B. The way you wore your clothes as if you knew what I liked, because well…you did. The moment you walked into the bar that time before Christmas with just enough of a beard to make my mouth water. Kisses you delivered to my hands and the insides of my wrist as I drove. Stupid girl…

It feels like a lifetime ago. But it wasn’t…have you moved on? Probably. But don’t answer that. I thought I had. I want to. Although truthfully part of me doesn’t and hangs on to the hope that we will fix things and be us again. I love you so much. And I just miss you……..

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2 thoughts on “Stupid Girl

  1. Exactly what I’m going through at the moment. You express it exactly how I feel, but when I write more anger cones out than my true feelings because I feel as though I’ve lost a competition. And I’m not a loser, I’m a winner.

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