I’ve had a thought on my mind all week given to me by my psychiatrist, he said “You are the same you, you have the same talents and capabilities. The same competency and intellect. That pet of you hasn’t changed, but the way you think about yourself has. This isn’t reality but it is because it’s your perceived reality. But it’s a cognitive distortion.”
And it so clearly spoke to the war that has been raging inside me. The ever-present Knowing that I am bigger than my body and possess the talent and ability to do great things and the new pervasive feeling that I was too fragile too wounded to be of good use. It may well be that those doubtful parts of me always existed but I so confidently believed in the limitless mess of my own being I push them aside. Now they hold my hand tightly and we walk through life together.
I figure, I just need to believe in my own magic just a bit more than I trust the story of my doubts. But how?