Frozen

I just keep hearing Idina Menzel singing the words to me, let it go, let it go! For her in response I had a million reasons why I couldn’t. Yet when I play them back in my mind they seem awfully insufficient and dull. Why do I want to hold on to the things (and people) that hurt me so badly? Is there ever a good reason for it? 

The best explanation I could come up with was that, I’d come to understand myself through the lens of that pain. In relation to that ache. And if I dared to let it go then I wouldn’t have a grip on who I was anymore. Only that was not true. That was only what the short sighted ego would lead me to believe. My soul and truest self knew better. 

Let it go, let it go! 

Over and over the words played in my head whenever the painful memories came to mind. There simply wasn’t going to be room enough to hold both the old hurt and anything new that should come along. And what if that which was to come was good? Was I willing to sacrifice the opportunity to hold joy for my doggish determination to continue housing pain? 

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