It didn’t occur to me until tonight on the sixth out of seven nights that I’ve woken up buzzing with energy that it might be God. I was used to night terrors or nightmares. They aroused my energy and made it difficult to calm down and fall back to sleep. Tonight was not that, though. Lead to an article online I found myself reading about a woman who travels the world on her 30k salary. When asked how she does it she answered “obedience”.
What is God asking from me in this moment?
Listening to God feels a bit like taking Felix Felicitus potion. I wonder if J.K. Rowling equated the two when she wrote of it. But you have inexplicable urges and should you decide to indulge in them, they lead you exactly where you are meant to be.
Your job is to allow enough quiet that you can hear Gods instructions. I came to the conclusion that this was the reason for my night interruptions. I closed my eyes and asked God, What are you trying to tell me in this moment?
It was like my question was an incantation. Immediately a flood of instruction came to me. This is what I’ve been missing insisting on my own way and coming to my own conclusions when I promised to surrender to a more omnipotent power this year. The article lead me also to Luke 16:10. A sentiment I’d been feeling ever since I accepted my job. A job whose salary is far lower than I initially wanted but that felt so right to my spirit. The scripture reads:
Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.
It was clear to me. God will not give me what I cannot handle. So it is my job to prove I can manage what I have before I am entrusted with more. This is not punitive. This is protective. This is in my best interest. This is how God teaches me, scaffolds me for the life I know is waiting for me. I do not want to disappoint God.
And now that I’ve gotten the message, God will give me rest.