I did not expect to cry writing my last blog post on Sincerely Jess but here I am. Eyes full of tears, heart bursting with nostalgia. I grew up here. I remember sitting on the floor of the apartment that I shared with P2AD and writing around all the feelings I was full of at the time. Too afraid to open up. Too afraid to be my unfiltered, unadulterated self I searched for identity in my writing. First I talked about my friends, then I talked about celebrities, then about two years into blogging regularly I was ready to tell the truth.
Do you know how scary it is to talk about your life publicly? Breaking my neck in my car accident, feeling overweight, depression, sex, rape, suicide, alcoholism, anxiety, self-harm, disordered eating, love, break ups, healing, theft, arguments, and resolution; my blog has told many stories. I learned how to talk about myself without tarnishing the character of other people I love. I learned how to share just enough but keep the most sacred parts for myself. I learned how to let go of shame. I learned how nosy some people really are. I’ve been gossiped about. I have been judged and persecuted for my actions and opinions. I have learned how to find inner peace. I have been afforded many amazing opportunities through my writing. I have learned humility and the necessity of service and community.
And now it’s time to do even more in a different way. I have decided to dedicate my life to my art. So I’m my last blog post let me tell you what I know for sure that allows me to walk away from something I love so much at complete peace with myself.
Throughout the past decade of my life I’ve been slowly learning to grow my faith. It wasn’t an intentional goal at first, but it would become the crux of my twenty something to thirty something maturation. I learned that sometimes the whole picture is overwhelming so all we can take on is the next best move. Patience truly is a virtue. I’ve learned the beauty in letting go, in being hurt and bleeding all over the room and learning how to cauterize my own wounds. I have learned how to stop waiting for Superman. He is never going to come, so I also learned how to save myself. I have learned how to quiet all the noise from the world and my own voices of dissent. I have learned the sound of the God that lives within me, and I listen for her instruction before I make a move. I have grown to trust her more than any other soul on earth. I have learned to show gratitude in all things. I have learned failure is an opportunity to make a different choice. I have learned success is an opportunity to humbly serve. Above all, though, I have learned the importance of timing. Things unfold when they should, as they should and you would be wise to let them.
Right now, it’s time for me to go. I’m off to pursue and become an award winning author, screenwriter and accomplished artist. I want to design. I want to consult. I want to travel and network and inspire and it is time I stopped being afraid of failure and trust that the dreams I have for myself are not there by accident. I have the ability to do all that I’m dreaming about and so much more. So it is high time I gave myself over to my calling. Comfort, safety, familiar? This is where I leave you.
Dear readers, I will never stop telling stories. Some of you have supported me from day 1, thank you all. Thank you to all readers whether you liked me or not, your part in my journey was valuable. Love your dreams, and don’t let anyone hold you back. Support my upcoming efforts if they call to you. Make your own art, too. The world needs it desperately. Above all, love the person looking back at you in the mirror. If things are good with your reflection, things are GOOD. It is immediate it is an emergency it is imperative, you have to love yours. “Because if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” And isn’t that all God really asks of us?