Places

Most of the contents of my vision board consist of words and places. Affirmations and sights, sunsets, oceans, and landmarks whose awe call onlookers from around the globe. I have been thinking hard (and feeling hard) about “What’s next” and for the life of me I can’t decide. What would I love to do most? Travel the world, take pictures, write about experiences.  Wouldn’t people care about a thing like that?

I keep trying to convince myself that I could have enough of the things I crave if I just took a faculty job. There would be summers to travel, to write…and you would get to teach and learn and grow, in fact it would be your job to do so! Something about it just feels wrong for me. Something I can’t seem to shake.

October 2011 I made a vow to myself not to give money more power than was necessary. Money is a tool, not a dictator; stop allowing it to determine what you can and cannot do, see, and experience. Then today I was reading a message from Necole Bitchie where she posted:

Travel while you are young and able.
Don’t worry about the money, just make it work.
Experience is far more valuable than money will ever be.

Following an account of how her travels renewed her spirit, I felt the pull even more to just GO. There are bills though, and responsibilities, and student loans to repay and…so I have to figure out a way to merge my skills and my passions and figure out what demand they fill in this world.  Necole also saw fit to make a bucket list for the year. Things she would like to accomplish. Right now I have about five things on mine:

  1. Buy a camera and a laptop
  2. Get back to Jamaica.
  3. Go somewhere new–solo
    Taking photos
    Writing
    Meeting new people along the way
  4. Get in better physical shape
  5. Publish my book

Granted “make significant progress on my dissertation” is not on there, but that too. So much of my work has to do with my own process, my own work, addressing my own needs and staring down my own fears so that I can show up authentically in my spaces.

It is, perhaps, my biggest fear that I never become all that I feel I could be…that I know at least on some level I could be. So many people take the safe route, the one with the predictable life of comfort. I do not fault nor blame them, I just know in my bones that is not my path. No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise. Faith is putting one foot in front of the other trusting that the ground will not give way, and if it does my wings will spread.

I never wanted a home before my third act. What would I fill it with?  Pinterest-able sconces, candles and color schemes, trinkets with no function, or meaning. No…I never wanted that. I wanted a home with a story. Evidence of a life well lived and adventures sought through.  Smells to remind me of the places, photos to show me the people, fabrics and spices to tell the stories. What use is a home if not to hold your treasures? I don’t want to run forever, and when all is said, I want that home to also be filled with love and a family I just do not believe I’m quite ready to take root. Just like I had to change my work to move, I need my life to do the same.  IMG_9730

50 years of dreams, and Oprah and Brene

I have written three journal entries about meeting Oprah and Brene Brown Monday. What I realized was that I needed to get out of the way of the post and let it come.  The words were ready but per usual when things go awry, I could not let go.  I was blessed enough to have the opportunity to attend a taping of not one but two Lifeclass shows.  The first Brene talked about her book Daring Greatly and the 4 myths about vulnerability, and the second show she talked about shame and becoming shame resilient.

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I thought my arm looked HUGE in this photo on the top and I remember looking at the photo and saying, “Dear arm, you will not be allowed one ounce of the joy of this day.” And I posted it on every social media site I am on. When I see the photo even now, I think of the moment and then of my declaration, and I feel immensely proud of myself.

Who is Brene Brown? I suppose that is easily google-able but I can tell you who she is to me.  She is someone who put her heart into her work. She is someone who defies antiquated mindsets in “The Academy” which do not always prioritize the accessibility of research to the non-academic. She is one of my professional heroines. The thing that I can appreciate most about her is that she is relatable. I know she is a PhD but she does not lead with her degree, she leads with her heart and it is that which allows so many people to be touched and changed by her work. When I think of the kind of impact I want to make both professionally and as a person, she is someone that I can look to and say, She did it and did it well. I have shared my apprehension about being too “academic” or too “poetic” and wondering how the two could possibly exist within the living breathing dynamic creation that will be my dissertation.  What I came to understand is that if it is coming from me then it will have both because both are of and in me.  I am a poet, and I am an academic not always in equal measure, but certainly always both simultaneously, and what I can now acknowledge is that: We cannot help but to be ourselves, even if we do not wish to be.

Everyone knows Oprah, except for that one salesperson in Switzerland, and ever since I first told people that I was going to get to attend the taping I have been getting all sorts of requests of how to let her know just how much she means to people. In reality, I probably said 5 words to Oprah and none of them were life-changing, I’m sure. What I can take from the experience is this: you cannot chase Oprah.  When you look at Nate Burkus, or Dr. Phil, or Suze Orman, or even Brene Brown these are people who allowed themselves to be naked, or on fire, or whatever metaphor suits your minds eye illustration of “in it”; passionate in their own fields and surrendered in their work.  These are not people who wake up saying, how can I be a celebrity? How can I be successful? How can I get Oprah to notice me? That is chasing, and Liz Gilbert bless her beautiful soul has haunted me with the idea that the things we chase like thieves run like thieves.  So why “Chase Oprah?” I think…when I look even at myself and my own goals it is not so much that I want to meet Oprah, it is that I want to be recognized as being a passionate and dedicated educator and leader. What I believe Oprah has come to symbolize in our country and arguably in the world, is the definitive arrival at such a place. If you are meeting Oprah, as a guest in the capacity that Brene is meeting her, then Brene has “arrived”. And, don’t kill me but…Oprah is just a person. I have written before about this, but the things we feel about ourselves, the things we know about ourselves when we see her is what makes her who she is.  The thing I wish we really acknowledged is that we are JUST AS SPECIAL as she is, she just already knows it.

And while I absolutely am thrilled for Brene and her successes that have come and are sure to continue, for myself I see, there is work yet to be done.  When I got home from the taping that night I wrote thoughts of how to make small changes in my classroom as both student and teacher to be more present and apparent in my work.

dreamI am a person who believes whole-heartedly in the power of dreams, and it is no wonder that this post did not show up in me fully until today, the 50th anniversary of Dr. King’s I have a dream speech. I believe that dreams are blueprints for the type of world that we are capable of creating. I believe that anything that comes to me (or anyone) in a dream is not only possible but that it has come to us in particular because we have everything that it takes to bring said dream into fruition.  I believe that more often than not we get caught up in our own self doubt, shame, and then the projections that other people place on us of their insecurities.  Somehow it has become far easier to believe the awesomely negative rather than the awesomely awesome. I am a person who anticipates extraordinary.  I wait for it like I wait for the sun to set, and I am person who does not think small of tiny miracles.

When I announced the Brene/Oprah opportunity, I had many people asking how this “stuff” always happens to me.  Honestly? I wait for it to.  But not without work, faith without works is DEAD! I practice gratitude daily, all day beginning with my first morning thoughts, and I pull goodness to me with absolute intention. I foolishly believe that I am deserving of amazing things and experiences and the universe conspires on my behalf.  It is a simple and as complicated as that.  How can we dare to expect extraordinary if we cannot find the beauty, the joy, the grace in the so-called ordinary?

I think Dr. King had to have been one of those people as well, who despite all the negative that other people may have seen in his struggle was so fixed on the end goal, The Dream, that the other things did not mar his spirit.  Did he say to himself, I am in jail but Thank you God, I am not hurt, my family is safe, and my purpose is not lost? I think he must have been because he persisted. Not only that, but it did not tarnish the spirit of the movement. This summer, during the conference one of my group members said, “Sometimes I’m grateful for anger, because it makes people get honest. People get angry and they really show up.” Non-violence did not mean that people were not angry or that they numbed themselves to the human experience of feeling humiliated, angry, frustrated, worn, or deflated. But the absolute belief in this dream of equality, of being Seen, of being Heard…it refocused the energy of an entire generation.

That is where I can draw a parallel in what was happening 50 years ago and what is happening right now on Sunday mornings on OWN across the world.  There is this…space where acknowledgement for the full human experience is not only present but encouraged.  We are invited to be in community with one another as our whole selves, and what Brene’s work speaks to is the challenges we have in doing that and how we can overcome it for this dream…the same one Dr. King had, where people–all people– felt worthy enough to show up and the collective was accepting enough to say, I See You, I hear you, you exist.

It is a beautiful thing…and I see my own place in it all as well. I know that my own work in concurrent individual and systemic development has a lot to do with how people “show up” in groups. It has a lot to do with authenticity, with values, with vulnerability, with shame, with doubt, with trauma, with fear and with judgment.  At the end of the day I want my research to show that, I could not get there myself, but damn it, we got there together.

I wish this for everyone; for everyone to find something that gives them absolute peace and fire at the same time.  Something that keeps you up at night thinking, something that you want to share with your spouse, your neighbor, your children, something that makes you want to live a better life and help others to do the same.  I wish for everyone to find the thing that gives them purpose and to DO THAT THING. Take the time to find what fills you, it is absolutely worth it.  Ask yourself the hard questions, co-conspire with your imagination, indulge your wildest dreams because we are SO worthy to create a beautiful world.

Lastly, and these two I got from Brene explicitly, the first is to give yourself permission to be uncool.  It is why I had to take a step back from social media a few weeks ago, because I found myself becoming increasingly more concerned with other people’s lives, and not only that but I was beginning to define my own life by the standards set by others. My outfit was only as cute as the number of ‘double-clicks’ I received on instagram.  I had to take a pause and say wait, “Does this matter? How does this matter to your life? How does this feed you? How does this nourish others?” It didn’t. And while I did get caught up in it, I also caught myself, and really that is all I can hope for, is to stay aware enough to catch it and to reset.

Second, was that the world needs to hear what YOU have to say and in YOUR voice. Brene said this to an 8-year PhD student who had lost her voice and was deferring to the voice of her faculty members around her.  It is not easy to be yourself, and so many people don’t want you to be.  It makes other people uncomfortable when you are too honest, because it gives them guilt for all the lies they tell daily. The thing is, you cannot carry that with you. I cannot. I cannot write for my advisor or my committee. I cannot teach for the one student who loves me or the one that hates me. And I cannot build my career around trying to meet Oprah.  What I can do, is to follow my heart. I can listen to my inner voice and create a life full of intention, purpose, love, and connection.  I can do my best and forgive myself when I give any less.  That is all I can do.  I think of the quote Donald Miller said of his future wife, “I will give you this, my love, and I will not bargain or barter any longer.  I will love you, as sure as [God] has loved me.  I will discover what I can discover and though you remain a mystery, save God’s own knowledge, what I disclose of you I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has stowed Himself in me…” and that is what I feel in large part of my work. I will give my voice to it, in language only I have been equipped to offer but it will still remain vastly unexplored yet I will keep it in all in my heart as mine and as me.

It is a bizarre thing when you realize that even when you’re pretending to be someone or something else, you are only–at best– a very good imitation.  I do not want to live my life in costume. I do not want to exist in elaborate baroque garments of society convenience, couture fabrications and designer illusions.  I want to be one-hundred percent me at all times in all spaces. How can I expect or want someone to see me, to acknowledge me, if I am not willing to step out and be who I am?  I have to be willing. We have to be willing because I cannot do it by myself. You’re scared? I am too, but I’m ready.

I prayed this prayer to the night after, I said:

God,

Your will terrifies me. But I trust you, completely. I hear you. I’m ready. Let’s go.

Sincerely,
Jess

Because for as much as this opportunity was about Brene and her work, it was also about me and mine–and everyone else as well. We were chosen to awaken to our own potential and to be in community with one another. We were shown what is possible and because I know of the absolute connection between us all I know that if greatness is possible in one of us it is possible in all of us.  Yes, it may look different for me than it does for LeBron James, but believe me greatness is greatness.  So I said to God, lets go. I say the same to you.

The Lifeclass featuring Dr. Brene Brown will air on Oprah’s OWN on September 22nd, and September 29th, for more information check out Oprah.com. 

Dream come true

Girl, that’s called “visualization”!

I’ve had an amazing weekend. Where to even begin? I met with a healer. We shared stories about how we came to know our gifts. It was interesting how the whole meeting came about, really because it was the result of a simple request. Maybe a year ago I was talking to Terri about how energetically, and spiritually difficult it has been for me during certain times and classes. She insisted that I find a community. I heard her, but as much as I needed it, I was not sure I was ready to be in a community of people who knew me in that way. In other words, I was not sure I was really ready to be seen.

Well, that has since changed and two weeks ago I made a very intentional request for connection and community. So it was beautiful that after making the request, I was having this amazing breakfast with someone who was offering me connection and community. After the breakfast I was enthused to really spend time creating my vision board. So I gathered magazines and pictures, markers, glue, and all sorts of supplies to create. One of the things that I put on there was a picture of Oprah and Brené Brown and I wrote the words “MUST MEET” in gold marker. That was Saturday.

Today I get home ready to work on some stuff for a class I am a TA for, and I get a phone call. Now three weeks ago I saw a tweet from Brené Brown mentioning her going to tape a Lifeclass session with Oprah. I followed the link and wrote a short essay about how much Brené’s work has influenced my own and said a few words about Oprah as well and honestly hadn’t thought much about it since. Until today when on the other end of my phone was Oprah’s audience coordinator asking if I was available for the show. What?! Did I not just speak this into my FUTURE? Oh wow that’s now.

So I racked my brain for how I was going to get to Chicago, who I knew in the area, where I would stay, when I would have to leave, my mind was spinning with all the reality and I just took a moment to breathe and I looked down on my arms to see goosebumps and I cried. I cried and I laughed and I thought about Steel Magnolias… “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.” I thought about how awesome this moment was, is, was. I thought about how much I just wanted to thank GOD for my good fortune, no, for my good favor.

During breakfast I told Melissa that I have been trying to get comfortable with being who I am. Because I am a huge presence and I want to own that, I can fill a room. I told her of having to learn my worth, my value, and being able to assure my self that I was deserving of grace not because of incidence or luck but because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I truly believe that. People listen to me, I quit trying to figure out why and I just accept that they do. And it used to make me want to speak less, because I didn’t want to be responsible for anyone’s misery. But now I want to speak UP and say, God order my tongue so that my words are the message you wish to deliver. I want to get my ego out of the way and be a vessel. Truly. And here we are.

So as I have told all my friends this weekend, be careful what you ask for! Prayers are definitely being answered in my life, scarily fast and it is exciting and terrifying and…wonderful. It’s wonderful. And a blessing and I am filled to the brim with joy. So full.

imageAnd just a quick word about my vision board…it is funny that most of it is full of places I want to see. Africa, the Bahamas, Paris, Joshua Tree, and of course Jamaica. There’s lots of quotes and beautiful reminders like “never hide”. There are four people you’d recognize, Sean Carter (Jay-Z), President Barack Obama, Oprah and Brene Brown as they are the four people I want to meet (really…I want to know them. There is a difference). And I haven’t finished yet but I will post a picture when its done. The process has been interesting because it really makes you focus your attention on the question, “What do you want?” It’s a great process. And one that, apparently, yields results.

Words unsaid part II, and the never-ending degree program

“I am going to be in school forbleepingever.” That was the thought I had yesterday in class as we considered how this conference we attended has changed our research and/or our career path. It was one of those things where I was shown the power of creativity and I know the impact its had on my own life, so I had to ask myself where it was in my work? Then I repeated, “I am going to be in school forbleepingever.” My dissertation keeps getting bigger. There just has to be this piece about developing the spirit, and of course I can’t leave out how that relates to leaders…and now its like but what about art?! While the practical me, which lives in the dungeon of my mind and only comes out to do my taxes, says, “bitch…you need to graduate!”

I had just finished a reflection paper for class in which I wrote about stepping into power and not being fearful of my own potential. I’d just submitted this body of work dedicated to thoughts of self-authorization and the importance of perspective and vision; knowledge that it is not about me. And with these words fresh on my mind I turned the page in my journal and saw this picture.

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I chuckled. Then I said, okay okay…noted. The God’s honest truth is that academia is my safe haven, and while I may research here and even reside here, my work will be bigger than the university I teach at, and transcend my field. What I have to get over is…myself. Girl, this is not about you. Get out of the way of this blessing. That’s what I feel right now.

More than ever my thoughts have surrounded grief. I made a claim in my Masters that all work is grief work. I teach to that claim. I used it in Terri’s class, often, to make sense of the overwhelming emotion that lived in the executive classroom. Even today, when I walk in that room I feel the presence of a million mental models laid to rest. You know how Brene Brown researches shame and vulnerability? I want to research grief and possibility. Taking a sweep over the things I write about anyway, its those things. Almost always. And while I see that “coming soon” I still wonder, well what about right now?

I need a thought partner. I need to talk this out, and through, and figure out where in this matrix I fall. I can tell you that, I’m close. And I know because my world has nearly stopped spinning.

If I lay in bed and look up at heaven, dreaming of what my life looks like…I see published books. I see a cherry wood office with three degrees in coordinating frames and a big photo of Neyland stadium. I see black and whites of my husband, children and I scattered throughout. I see a home filled with questions and books and artifacts from a life wholly lived. A kitchen with fresh flowers and fresh fruit. A living room with magazines, coffee table books, blankets, and a sofa that lovingly welcomes your feet upon it. A kitchen table wrapped in prayers and gratitude. A yard with jump ropes and bicycles laying to rest, temporarily. A closet full of clothes for life’s many occasions. A silver frame holding in it a picture of my best girlfriends and I. A jewelry box containing the locket and earrings from my mother’s wedding day. On my fridge, each of the invitations to my sisters’ graduations. And in the cabinets, the cast iron I bought to make my grandmother’s Thanksgiving dinner for the first time. And nowhere in my dream exists fear or trepidation, just love. Love and love’s residual.

And so, to get there I must say the words that burn my throat and cause my palms to sweat. I must be disheveled and imperfect, and everything else that scares me. I have to do whatever I can to get closer to love. And I suppose if that takes another year of graduate school, so be it. Its my own grieving. For “the plan” and the shoulds, and the defense that follows, “oh you’re still in school?!” Yes I am. And I absolutely love it.

Born to do it

We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams

I’ve always loved Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the original one…not that Johnny Depp crap.  Whats wrong with living in the paradise of the mind?  If perception is reality then I prefer to perceive only beauty and wonder.  I have always been a big dreamer.  By that let me explain, I have always wanted a LOT of things for my life. I have very high expectations of myself and have an intense amount of things to accomplish in my short time here on earth.  I think big and work hard, and haven’t ever been ok with the word “no”.  I do what I want. In some ways that oblivious arrogance has worked to my advantage.

Right now I’m working as a counselor, or therapist (as more of you are likely more familiar with that terminology).  I am working with college aged kids, which is my dream, and I am feeling so at home.  I find something so rewarding about helping people.  Not only that, but helping college aged people, because they are just on the cusp of finding themselves.  Growing into the people they want to be.  Struggling shedding the skin of adolescence and walking in this fresh new body of adulthood.  Ooooh I love it.  I often wonder how I want to progress in my own life, in particular, in school.  Do I want to get an advanced degree in counseling?  Is that even necessary?  Do I want to educate budding counselors?  Do I want to work in educational policy and influence the politics of education?  Education has always been a passion of mine.  It took me a minute to find out how to work within it.  I knew, always, that I would be a writer.  Something to do with writing.  As I progressed through upper level English classes in college I quickly realized that that wasn’t for me.  I wanted to think and analyze a bit too much for the subjective based humanities.  I needed some scientific fact. Some proof. Something soft and hard.  Room for debate, but some kind of definitive conclusion.  So I made my major my minor and my minor my major. Psychology was it for me…In that…I quickly realized that research was NOT for me, I could do it just fine, but I wanted to talk to people. About everything!  And people liked talking to me. There’s no way I can NOT do this.  This is what I’m meant to do.

Love affair at hello…Long time ago, right after I got into my accident I was at Target in my neck brace riding in the handicapped seat cart thing, and someone stopped me and said, “baby you’re going to overcome that, and you’re going to do great things.”  I never knew what that meant. I’ve never thirsted for fame or celebrity, even in my field. I’d love to be known in my field and well respected…but never sought that.  I think, now, that those great things are simply the things I do everyday.  Listening to people.  Empathizing with people. Letting people know that they are not alone.  That someone cares enough to listen to them. Telling people they are worthy.  Helping them fight.  I’ve been kind of addicted to inspiring people.  I don’t want them to be like me…but just the best them.  If someone walks out of my office and says to themselves, “I feel renewed.”  I’ve done my job. If they breathe a little bit easier, can sleep at night, can express their feelings, can smile, can cry, and know that everything they feel is ok…then I’m wildly successful.

Its not about me.  I’ve never been about me.  I told Deeds that I often feel bigger than my body.  Perhaps that is my influence.  I take my role very seriously and hope that pieces of me stay with my clients.  Not me, Jessica, me hope.

“I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.”

Og Mandino

Locusts and Poverty…

So you think my body knows Easter is approaching and Passover was here, and such? Its crazy but last night here’s the dream I had:

So I was driving to work, and I guess I worked at like a Wal-Mart type place, it was like a warehouse looking everything kinda store. Anyway I was going in, and I saw these people, two guys a woman and a child going around to cars in the parking lot looking in cars and stealing stuff out. So I parked in the very front, grabbed my bag and went in the store calling 9-1-1. So I am weaving in and out of things trying to make my way to the back of the store when 1 of the theives sees me on the phone and starts following me (dunno how he got in the store). So I’m running trying to avoid him when I find myself cornered by all but the child theif.  I picked up a clip board and just started swinging. They started backing up and I made contact with the oldest theif and he turned bright red and said I better stop or I’d regret it. Phuck that I wasn’t stopping. Not until one of my co-workers comes up she’s a HUGE yt girl Hilda type and says she’ll handle it.  I continue my report to 9-1-1 and she starts talking and laughing with them saying she knows how it is to want and feel you have to steal…she is trying to let them off the hook!  OMG So I start screaming about how I hate yt trash people I hate poverty and poor people and the whack ish they do.

I get out to my car and I go to leave and look up to find my window shield has 5 locusts on it, I turn on the wipers but they don’t go away. I can tell they aren’t on the inside so I just say whatever and leave them there.  I try to pull out of spot and I can’t, all I can do is roll backwards.  I’m rolling backwards can’t get the car to go forward so I am looking backwards dodging cars and people until I think wait, just stop. So I stopped the car, put it in gear again and I’m going forward with no problem. The locusts are gone, and as I head out the parking lot I see hundreds of people dressed in black latex and I hear Rihanna’s Disturbia. Then I woke up…tangled in my cell charger cord… So…what does this mean?!?!?!

  • The Store setting symbolizes choices, I was in a store where the sold literally everything, so this represents many different choices and things that can capture my attention.  I never focused on one area though, I didn’t stop moving through all the choices until I was cornered by poverty (isn’t that the truth!)
  • OK so the characters, the young man was the one following me and he represents immature thinking and actions…The old man was the one I was fighting off which reps old habits or attitudes. To me this goes back to what I heard on Oprah last week, “Forget what you had then focus on what you have now” My immature thinking is definitely related to money, as these people in my dream were all “poverty” to me.  It had been sooooo important not to look or feel like I didn’t have money that I was spending irresponsibly.  I’d like to think I learn better!!!  Ok so the woman who showed up, Hilda LOL Ok so co-workers symbolize your ambition and competitive nature.  She was huge, so I’m gonna guess that just means my ambition and competitiveness is huge.  True story.  She was also very forgiving to “poverty” my ambition in live is to be just that. I definitely want to help people and not just rich people.   INTERESTING!!!!! moving on…
  • The locusts, they rep a lack of creativity.  Mind you I was moving backwards, and lacking creativity.  I was looking backwards too. Driving in reverse is pretty literal. So while I was moving backwards in life I wasn’t being very creative-which for me is like I wasn’t even myself. The wipers not being able to clear it was my attempt to refocus but an inability to do so.  But then something in me said stop, and got back in gear.  That right there is pray yall lol. So when I started moving forward the locusts disappeared *got my creativity back * LOL…
  • The people in black latex and the Rihanna song… To see a famous singer in your dream, represents harmony and some divine influence or vibrations. It indicates glorification of the human spirit. Consider also your general impression of this singer and how those specific qualities may be triggered by someone or some situation in your waking life So how we know I give God all the praise, so my moving forward was definitely divine influence.  How I feel about Rih Rih, yall know I think she’s fabulous and most of all different.  A break from the norm. Hmm so something in my waking life is different, fabulous and a break from the norm *big smile* hmmmmm could be, could be not LOL…

AkTgL

Queen For a Day...get it?

You remember those silly word puzzles like this:

well that’s kind of what I did with the title of this post because CLEARLY KG was in ATL :-)  So anyway…1st let me explain my mixed feelings. Since I can remember I have been in love, more like obsessed, with Vince Carter and Kevin Garnett.  Both of them are the epitome of all things cool in my book. I was hurt when VC up and got married and then had this kid but if you love something let it go lol. Anyway I still have hope for me and KG I’d give him beautiful children. Moving on. So I’m also a big fan of all things Atlanta, its my hometown and despite her flaws I love it and she is wonderful.  People, mainly haters, say that Atlanta is missing a certain unique flavor that other cities have, I say to that you’re crazy. There is nothing like the A trust me I’ve been around the US and there’s no place like home. So imagine my dilemma when my fav guy meets my city :-/ I cheered for the Hawks but man it was a bittersweet Celts victory.  I like it much more when they’re whooping up on Kobe and the sort, I made this when they won the Nat’l championship this summer:

to the NBA's "There can only be one" ads

In re: to the NBA's "There can only be one" ads

love this guy a 1,000,000 red M&Ms.

The rest of my day was lazy…tomorrow I meet with some people about my new job *horray* so I can go ahead and get that started up in January, holla, insurance.  And I got super excited because this time next year I’ll be in a brand new place with a fab job and in school and living my fabulous life but even more fabulously.  I just feel like this year was sooooooo needed growth and reflection wise I’m happy to start 2009 with such eagerness.  Speaking of making plans for NYE is stressful. I’m thinking of spending my party ticket money on the Twilight series and staying in…dunno if my friends will be going for that.

Almost forgot, I had a dream during my nap today that I had my twin girls!  I know they were mine because at one point in the dream I called them by name (Jillian and Jamesen) and they had on these long dresses with headbands and Jillian had on pink and Jamesen had on like a purplish blue and we were running down stairs by a fountain going shopping (dunno where said place exists) and they were asking me for a new toy and I couldn’t see myself but I do remember I had on fab shoes because I looked down at one point to adjust a strap. OH and I had on a white tea length knit trench lol. Funny I always remember what people in my dreams are wearing.

Pink Chanel Boucle Suit

Pink Chanel Boucle Suit

Like last week when I had a dream the women in my family were ignoring me they all had on pink and green tweed Chanel suits a la right (only in pink/green). And NOBODY would talk to me…it was so sad, I woke up and text my friend LT, she and I often dissect and analyze our dreams together, and both of us thought it strang the details that I always remember. Freud would think that these things, as are all things, are not coincidential…eh…

OH and p.s. got total confirmation that I would make a great therapist. I mean I know I would because I love it but its always nice to have affirmation.  Anybody remember Sabrina the teenage witch’s room of gratuitious praise? lol